December 2009
31 posts
I can't believe a year's gone by so fast, Time to...
I was reading this piece by the lovely Dooce, and getting a little grumbly about how awesome her year was in the face of the sucky sucky 2009 everyone else is having, and then I thought, NO! I bet I can come up with a list JUST AS AWESOME as hers. So, in basically chronological order, here’s my year in Awesome!
* Planned a party for 3000 people, collected their collective $2million, sat...
ugh
tonight, for kicks, because it’s the end of the year and FOUR people I know got engaged yesterday and I’m slightly tipsy and intersted in having more random sex, I signed into jdate and thought I might chat around. Well, within about 2 minutes I got messaged- by someone I went on a (bad) date with 15 months ago. I went along with it, to see if he’d remember, and he, uh, did not....
Reason #23948237 to keep a 5 year old around at...
Tonight, Sailboat and I were goofing around on the couch, mostly just poking each other, which is a big game for 5 year olds. She started poking my stomach, and exclaimed, OOH I can feel your Tummy Bone!
NO BITCHES THOSE ARE MY ABS.
And BAM I might not be engaged but my ab muscles are apparently as hard as bones.
You can tell where my mind is at this holiday...
Continuing my streak of posts griping about the way the world treats the single ladies (other than Beyonce, who despite not being one of us, loves us), I would like to let y’all know that todays’ internet searchings has let me know that single women are:
* More likely to be uninsured
* More likely to be unemployed
* Less likely to receive federal job aid
* Psyching themselves into...
“Test drive lots of cars. But DONT TEST DRIVE TOO MANY. AND ALWAYS HAVE GOOD...”
– My dad’s dating advice to me. I think we all know what he means.
Wise, Wise friend of mine
I have a friend who recently posted this, which I am copying and pasting here to protect her identity, even though it is now clean:
“Hey there, friendly reader! How has your holiday been? As you can see by my knees below, mine has been gratuitously luxurious. And warm. Scroll down past my knees, why don’t you. Take a look back at older posts. Don’t they look… clean? It’s about that time,...
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll have way more sex with way more people than...”
– Me, having a hissy fit regarding smug marrieds in a room full of people, all relatives, one my 14-year-old sister.
Thank heavens for little sisters
Sister: ALERT
ALERT
ALERT
ALERT
ALERT
ALERT
ALERT
ALERT
Me: WHAT
Sister: MOM HAS FIGURED OUT THAT YOU DONT LET HER SEE ALL OF YOUR STUFF ON FACEBOOK
“I’m not fighting for anything anymore except myself. I’m the only...”
– Oh, Casablanca. Every time I watch (and the closer I get to 40), the more I feel like Sally Albright.
“Experts say women may harbor more feelings for shoes than for men because we buy...”
– This makes so much sense.
It's not that she tried to kill him, she was just...
ricky: do oyu think if it was claire and not you, your mother migth have actually committed murder on me?
me: well i don't know, bc my mom pretty much listens to claire 100%, so if claire said no mom would listen
ricky: did you try and say no when your mom tried to kill me?
me: i was WITH YOU. The odds were high i'd be killed right along with you
ricky: not really. Your mom isnt dumb. She knew what she was doing when she made us hold onto that trailer.
me: yeah
Ricky: it's weird that i can remember that, but i have no recollection of 8 weeks we apparently spent basically living together
“Furthermore, if a library prefers geographic subdivisions for subjects that are...”
– Sears List of Subject Headings. They say shit like this all the time.
Don’t worry, gang, only 18 hours until I’m done with cataloging forever or at least until I get a job and have to, you know, use these skills or something.
Sigh. My greatest fear.
“When what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting, whatever it is you’ve got left.”
— White Christmas
Serious topics of babies and birthing.
An email from me to mom:
Jeeze louise, poor josie brooklyn! http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Television/michelle-duggar-birth-19th-child-emergency-section/story?id=9311401
Mom’s Reply:
This is the truth… There were no gallstones. That poor Josie just simply fell out. Michelle’s cervix must look like a water glass by now.
“As for Dylan, he had the ring. Befuddled witnesses were only part wrong, Dean...”
– Jonathan Lethem, The Fortress of Solitude
Take a little pity on me, please
So it’s finals week here in future librarian world, which means that my posting has been sparse. Whatever, that’s fine— but it hasn’t been so good for my tumblarity. It has (shall we be punny?) tumbled. I’m thinking this could have a serious effect on my confidence, thereby possibly ruining my GPA.
SO!! How about y’all like the shit out of this post, and maybe...
“It troubles me that people think that Southern food is simply food of uneducated...”
– A conversation with Kevin Gillespie, ‘Top Chef’ finalist | Omnivore Atlanta (via bthny) (via robot-heart)
I currently have a major crush on this song, which...
GREAT IDEA based on the Superiority of America
Saint Paul, Brazil
River of January, Brazil
Saint John, Puerto Rico
Red Stick, Louisiana
House of Bread, Israel
Ivory Coast (I know you probably already call it that anyway, but people are trying to FRENCHIFY it. DON’T GIVE IN!)
When in doubt:
Put on Charlie Brown Christmas. Turn on Linus and Lucy. Dance like you’re four. Forget about everything.
Get back to work.
What girls think about when boys think about...
As y’all know, because I talk about it all the time, I play trivia every week and am pretty good at it. Good at it, that is, except for sports categories. Every time a sports question comes up, I sit in awe of my guy friends, who rattle off stats and trades and memorable games like they have nothing better to do. A couple of weeks ago, this started to really get to me. These guys are...
Important Update!!
My ass still looks really good. Maybe even better, actually.
Related in a way that makes sense in my mind: I got a perfect grade on the VERY REAL NOT IMAGINARY Middle East Project.
1 tag
Well it seems Ms. Kakutani's not as all-powerful...
On October 13, Michiko Kakutani, NYT’s esteemed and feared book reviewer, panned Jonathan Lethem’s latest book, Chronic City, in her Books of the Times review. Two weeks later, Gregory Cowles gave it a glowing endorsement in his official NYT Review. Today, NYT published its Ten Best Books of 2009, with Chronic City holding down one of the 5 fiction spots.
NOT SO SCARY NOW, eh,...
I just really needed a nautical-themed afghan...
I’ve been meaning to talk about this for a while, but things like homework and sailboat wanting to look at the little raccoons who live on my igoogle homepage keep getting in the way. But over thanksgiving, my brother and two middle sisters and I went to an exhibit in Atlanta called, “Dialog in the Dark.”
It’s an experience meant to give you the smallest taste of what...
Well Hell
Oh holy heavens. Like everyone else on earth, I have a bunch of google wave invites to give out. Hit me up if you want one.
Oh hey! and if you do, I’ll invite you, you learn how to use it/what it is/why i should be excited to have it, and then teach that to me, and we’ll be even.
Deal?
Sailboat's Guide to the Stars
Growing up in a house where her next closest sibling is 9 years her senior, my 5-year-old sister Sailboat has developed quite the mature taste in movies. She gets to see things we certainly would never allow a regular 5-year-old to see, simply because, well for me at least, her commentary is hilarious. Over thanksgiving weekend, we allowed her to watch both Four Christmases (feh), Bride Wars...