January 2011
1 post
OOHH New Years Announcement!
Hey followers of Aspiringslacker! Though i’ve loved this blog, I wanted to start blogging about stuff a little more related to my book life and less related to my personal life, so i’ve started a NEW BLOG!!
Yes, come visit me at Sarahbethlibrarian! It’s fun over there, with lots of things about books and sometimes maybe a cookie recipe. If you’ve followed me here, follow...
November 2010
1 post
September 2010
2 posts
August 2010
1 post
July 2010
3 posts
“Fried chicken; roast pig; wild and tame turkeys, ducks and geese; venison just...”
– Mark Twain regarding southern food in the 1840’s, via Papercuts, via ”97 Orchard: An Edible History of Five Immigrant Families in One New York Tenement” by Jane Ziegelman.
In a word, YES.
(via 52books)
Yep. That about sums it up.
“Drawing shut the Venetian blinds will give the view from your window a hundred...”
– Courtney Austen Brown, Age 9 (via fleyrm)
June 2010
5 posts
“As she read, at peace with the world and happy as only a little girl could be...”
– A Tree Grows in Brooklyn One of my very very favorite books of all time, ever, though today I’m reading the brilliant Margaret Atwood’s The Year of the Flood. And eating a little dish of peanut M&Ms, one of my very very favorite candies of all time.
1 tag
My favorite incendiary tv show, Secret Life of the...
Me: according to slat
the first time a boy tells a girl he loves her, he should give her a gift
so that when people say, where did you get that necklace
Abby: guh'
Me: you can say, oh my boyfriend gave it to me the first time he said he loved me
now there is a related plotline in which the jock's parents want to move to phoenix
and want him to just hang out with some friends for a year
so he can be a senior
he's waited his WHOLE LIFE to be a senior
just like esther smith.
Me: I LOVE this
jesus
"he loves me!"
"...did he give you something?"
"no, but he's going to!"
"that's your argument? that your boyfriend should be allowed to live in your room because it's better than doing drugs?"
this is so wackadoo
why aren't you here to talk about it?
also amy just screamed that the only person who really loves her is her baby
which is reason #1 that the show 16 and pregnant exists
after abstinence only education
which is reason #1 these kids keep getting prego
Reason I love my mother #38973qur4857923
Last week, a dear, old friend of mine was given a pretty serious diagnosis from her doctor, and was sent to the hospital pretty much right away for treatment. Don’t be freaked, she’s being a total trooper, and already sending out hilarious emails and being her awesome awesome self.
A few of her local friends started a website/blog thing on one of those sites that hosts things like...
May 2010
10 posts
I'm taking a webinar about Novelist
I CURRENTLY study Reader’s Advisory with Joyce Sarricks. Like, tomorrow. And yesterday. And it’s perhaps my favorite class of my entire life. And I love being able to say, “oh my prof wrote the book on that topic,” and actually speak the truth and not stretch it. And I want to BE her when I grow up. And I want to be friends with anyone who knows who I’m talking...
1 tag
Chris Kelly: An Open Letter To All The Politicans... →
First of all, boring.
Second of all, should this even matter?
And third of all, of course she’s a lesbian.
Have you seen any stock photos of her? It looks like Obama nominated a cross-country UPS driver to be a Supreme Court Justice. This woman’s face is literally the world’s collective…
There has never been a more eloquent comparison of gay marriage and the stupidity of those cages...
“If the administration would announce tomorrow... →
This is a continuation in my ongoing outrage of the way American media and politicians treat women’s products— namely birth control and tampons, but particularly birth control. I admire Gail Collins greatly, and I love birth control, so the two together are a winning combination. Read this, and then try to share it with someone who doesn’t believe what she believes. Happily for...
This is how I spend a Friday?
I would just like to thank he who shall not be blogged about for introducing me to thegloss.com. I’m not going to tell you WHY he introduced me to it, or HOW, but suffice it to say, I’m amused.
librarianpirate:
haguenite:
librarianpirate:
tomolive:
librarianpirate:
aspiringslacker:
On which side of the Knufflebunny-KAH-nufflebunny debate do you fall??
(via librarianpirate, meredithann)
They answer that question in #2. Trixie pronounces it KAH-nuffle Bunny and Sonja pronounces it (K)Nuffle Bunny.
As a bookseller, I’ve always said (K)nufflebunny. I don’t think I’ve ever...
important derby day thoughts
SB: i wonder if they get a lot of girls
A: aren't there always sob stories about their sick infants?
SB: umm, i don't know. they are just so small
A: i think there was one last year
SB: it'd be like dating a bike messenger
A: but without the dreads.
April 2010
4 posts
My brother is just as awesome in Israel
Me: maybe today i'll see if i can get him to do some other balancing stuff
secretly
Noah: Lol
Me: like oh i dropped my napkin! can you pick it up but wait while you do it there is gum on your shoe so put that foot in the air and i'll get rid of the gum while you bend over on one foot and pick up my napkin
and it won't be gross bc the gum is pretend
i'll do it in hte middle of the room so he won't be able to hold on to the table
Noah: I flag with one leg a lot when I reach for things
Me: flag?
Noah: It's a climbing term for sticking a leg out or no reason other than to act as a balance to shift your weight
Me: oh yes, we do it on purpose in yoga, like in the sun pose, which is a favorite of mine
Noah: Sure, a lot of climbers do yoga
Me: sun pose is when you stand on one leg with the other leg straight out behind you and you lean forward, flat like a table
the hand by the standing leg is on the ground, the other one is up to the sky
Noah: I was just doing that after I tried to pick up a pretend napkin with pretender gum on my shoe
Me: it's basically the exact same pose
It is hard to be grown up and polite and not...
I am still fb friends with He Who Shall Not Be Blogged About, but uh, ever since our discussion about not blogging about him, I feel weird about doing anything friendly toward him at all. But sometimes he posts things on fb that aren’t about handjobs, and I want to Like them, but I feel like I can’t.
So, he who shall not be blogged about, if you are reading this, which maybe you are?...
I highly recommend that you
make your guy friends watch Gaga’s telephone video.
Immediate reaction, via email:
“that was like… peewee’s playhouse as directed by david lynch.”
Later, DAYS later, with beer:
“She has a telephone! ON HER HEAD!”
“Beyonce definitely moved up my list in comparison to gaga.”
And the best one:
“That wasn’t as good as bad...
What's that? You're DYING to know what's on my...
Well OKAY THEN!
I don’t know how to like, give you these songs, but I’m pretty sure you either own them or like, can download them, probably for free if you’re crafty.
1. It’s a New Day, Will.i.am: This song was played in my spinning class the morning after health care reform was passed, and it made me cry from happiness.
2. I want you to, Weazer: This is another spin...
March 2010
17 posts
“But Lady Gaga is my name,” she said, amazed that... →
Thank God we have serial monogamist Jennifer Love...
From her new book, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, I’m Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-A-Holic, some gems* on being a single lady out and about on the town:
1. Don’t take a diuretic before a date.
2. Give your vibrator a name. She recommends Brad.
3. Don’t call six times to confirm plans. And don’t worry if he’s late picking you up. And whatever you do, don’t get on a scale while...
What happens when you tell your 15 year old sister...
Of note, my 15 year old sister actually knows the two male friends who I told about the boyfriend she pretends is not her boyfriend. They are amused by my sister, though not as much as I am.
Me: we were talking about you last night
C: why
Me: indiana
C: hahaha
Me: I said you wanted to go there
then i told them about your boyfriend zev beeber
C: WHAT
ARE YOU INSANE
HE ISNT MY BOYFRIEND!
Me: WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO THEM! don't you know you exist solely to provide amusing stories for me to tell my friends?
C: B.c they will set it as their facebook statuses
Me: set what as their facebook statuses?
matt has never had a fb status, ever. and jason hasn't in a long time, maybe ever?
and even if they DID post statuses EVERY DAY
why would they post about YOU?
C: idk
b.c idk
Me: they are grown men
they do not post fb statuses about my 15 year old sister
C: hahah but i have to talk to you about zev at home
Me: oooh is he there???
C: when i am alone. so no one is there
Me: is SIVAN ROSE LEVY also in love with him?
INTRIGUE!!!
can i blog this conversation?
Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee's Jesse James Affair... →
Recently single (jilted??) Kate Winslet is SO Diane Keaton in this remake. Jen is Goldie, Sandy’s Bette. OBV.
shirtdress:
See ladies, you really can’t have it all.
In other news, Sandy Bullock and Jen Aniston are just one “Diane Keaton” shy of a First Wives Club remake.
“Oh Scissors!” I said again. I should have to put off my researches until...”
– The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie
Do you think the Iditarod goes past Sarah Palin's...
Mom: I think it's the dogs. I don't think I would care if it was a bunch of goats pulling sleds across Alaska.
Me: I would DEFINITELY care if it were a bunch of goats pulling sleds across Alaska.
That (below) is EXACTLY how I feel about this...
“I can have good days. Entire days when I wake up and I’m calm inside like...”
– This is from the very phenomenal book “Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key.” It keeps going about what a normal day is like for Joey, but it was the contrast of the first part of this paragraph and what comes next that really blew me away. I know there was a lot up there, but I hope you read...
Further:
It should be noted that while Kokomo is picking daffodils, Indian Chief Marshall is doing laundry. It’s totally obvious which sister picked which theme. Sailboat loves nothing more than folding clothes.
The 26 year old mind v the 5 year old mind:
I have two different tabs on my iGoogle homepage. For the main one, with nyt headlines and gmail and weather and entertainment weekly (i have priorities, ok??), I have long used the AJA TIGER theme, which is a little tiger who I have named Kokomo, and her friends Pippit and Mizuki. I named them, and for a while thought about creating a children’s book based on them, because they are just...
In case you wondered what the granuloma looked...
This was an important realization I had while, duh, watching Toy Story. They resemble each other not just physically, but also in their mannerisms, which is weird, cause Woody’s a toy sheriff. But I once dated a guy who I described as muppet-like, so maybe this is just WHO I AM.
*The eyes aren’t quite right, as the granuloma’s are more squinty and less 1/3 of his entire face,...
CHRIS KELLY: This Post Is Nothing But Twilight... →
Today at work, I got filled in on how the Twilight saga shapes up in later books, and I would like to walk through my disbelief for you now on this Tumblr page:
What? Edward gets Bella pregnant? What?! I thought this was just a dumb high school thing. I assumed all the books just culminated in a…
The plural form of samurai is samurai.
See also: One Ninja, Two Ninja, 27 Ninja.
booyahgrandma:
Thanks Merriam-Webster and Vicky for bringing to light this important question.
I would also like to direct you to the Wikipedia entry for English words with uncommon properties, which I am considering making my internet start page.
Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!, Part Dos
In honor of the Good Doctor, I was dared nothing to speak only using 50 words tonight. Knowing that would be a failure, but also knowing that I have a way with rewriting Dr. Seuss books to suit my own needs, I decided to instead rewrite Green Eggs and Ham, still using just 50 words, to reflect my trivia team.
And so! I present! No Eggs, All Beer!
We play trivia
Trivia,we play
That Trivia!
...
Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!
In honor of what would be his 106th birthday, here are a few fun facts:
Green Eggs and Ham was written as a bet to see if he could write a book in only 50 words. He did, and they are, in order: I am Sam; that; do not like; you green eggs and ham; them; would here or there; anywhere; in a house with mouse; eat box fox; car they; could; may will see tree; let me be; train on; say the dark; rain;...
February 2010
29 posts
Reason #349248 I love my neighborhood:
I recently started Yelping, because SOMEONE out there might care about the opinions I have on the various coffee shops where I study and various swankified restaurants where I date dudes. The other day I gave 5 stars to my favorite coffee shop, because I love it here (yes, I am writing this from there), and when I arrived this mornign, the owner, who I hadn’t ever officially met, ran up to...
Some people just have no faith
In reference to a recommendation from the granuloma, which I saw in the store the next day having NO IDEA it would be there:
Me: I think it was placed there by the hand of god.
Caroline: I think it was placed there by the hand of a 7-year-old.
Me: Who's to say it's not the same thing? HAVEN'T YOU READ OWEN MEANY???
Really? This is "she likes to eat"?
From a people.com article about courteney cox entitled, “5 things you didn’t know about courteney cox”, which I’m having trouble typing since I’m a little drunk.
1. She likes to eat: “At a diner, I’ll get scrambled egg whites, turkey bacon, sliced tomato, cottage cheese and a scooped-out onion bagel with cream cheese … My favorite meal is New York grilled...
"i'm such a carrie."
pleasedontsqueezetheshaman:
faithandbegorrah:
morninggloria:
“I’m such a Carrie!” is code for “I’m a neurotic, painfully self centered trollop who is constantly surprised to discover that the world does not revolve around my romantic life. Shoes!”
This is grounds for automatic friend dismissal.
My recommended response:
“Oooh, girl, me too! But I killed everyone at Homecoming, not...
Today is just definitely the right day to reblog...
Original title: How have we not exploded from our combined neuroses after 16 years of friendship?
Me:
i was like, i hardly know him, but his brother dicked around with one of my best friends all summer
and we're mad at him now.
S:
did you tell her he broke my heart
Me:
i really did.
S:
it feels good having your support, because he really did break my heart
i understand using someone, really, i do, but not someone who you have such a history with. don't you know that's wrong?
Me:
i fully agree
S:
so we learn a lot about acute vs. chronic conditions
and how your body has a diff reaction to like,the acute condition, and then chronic develops over time
andi have a chronic heartbreak
Me:
me too
hello, REDACTED PORTION IN WHICH I REVEALED THE IDENTITY OF MY GRANULOMA
S:
its not acute, acute is like, can't eat can't sleep think about it all the time
it's chronic.. it's all walled off somewhere, but it's still there
Me:
i know EXACTLY what you mean
S:
when your immune system walls off an infection you cant get rid of its called a granuloma
and i think somewhere my heart has a granuloma in it
Me:
i like that
they are bad for us, not nice to us
S:
yeah
i dont think i have any other granulomas
bc all my other infections were cleared with time
Me:
i def don't
you've had yours longer, but i think mine is more active in my life than yours is in your life, so it probably evens out
S:
i think he's is like having tuberculosis
because TB has a primary and secondary phase, and the secondary phase is what gets reactivated after a lot of years
so primary was high school, secondary is usually worse
Me:
you should call him consumption
that's much more fatal and glamorous sounding
Me:
i think i will put this conversation in my blog
Ten Rules for Writing Fiction →
52books:
Today The Guardian has listed several major authors and their personal rules for writing. They all vary in how one should use adverbs, take vacations, edit, etc. My favorite list comes from Margaret Atwood:
1 Take a pencil to write with on aeroplanes. Pens leak. But if the pencil breaks, you can’t sharpen it on the plane, because you can’t take knives with you. Therefore: take...